Working in a space of creating and bringing forth is interesting, confusing and unfamiliar. As I’ve let go of having a job/career and grabbed onto creating a business – I’m forced to figure out new ways of being. Previous obstacles no longer exist – new ones appear. The fundamental insight I’ve had thus far is this – the world of work for most is largely reactive. A form of stimulus comes in and prompts a reaction. Reacting to whatever is put in front of you allows you to feel “achievement” (or it did me). You got to all your emails, you attended all your meetings, you arrived in one piece and left in one piece (if you were lucky). What often got neglected was time to reflect, explore, ponder, and create — and I felt the lack of these acutely. Now my work is almost 100% proactive – no person or organization is “pushing” things to me to react to (or act on), instead I am responsible for my day, how I spend my time, where I spend my time. Really my insight is this – I’m addicted to what felt like achievement before – even though what I felt achievement around was largely transaction – it was a crossing off of the “to do” list. So here’s the thing for me now – I have ample time to reflect, explore, ponder and create and yet I realize that these actions don’t feed my achievement need as much as more transactional activities.
I am now feeling in my bones how difficult it is to actually live in the space I’ve always chased. This space of work being a manifestation of self and a rational/intuitive/self-making synthesis of all the inter-related topics to which I’ve always been drawn. This ladies and gentlemen is far more difficult than it seems – and I realize that when I see those who seem as if they have done it – I just want to “arrive” there and feel like I’m “behind.” Hum…isn’t the process supposed to be most important – not the outcome?
One Day at a Time 
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